Current mood:	gloomy
Current music:	howard stern

All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another..


I myself have now just noticed how close this saying is to my life right now. Dave told me with having my job I might grow up a little...(not like Im a 8 year old kid just knowing whats important..keeping a job..saving money taking responsibility)
and with saying that...

I have no doubt I shared great moments of my life with a certin person she has been there in the past when I needed her and we had some fun times at her old apartment and house just staying up and having fun.... but everything has changed..Im not holding on to a past anymore hoping that same person lives inside... (cause that person doesn't exist within her anymore) I spent the last 2 nights just exhausted to even get on a phone with anyone and just went to sleep.

It kills me I held on for this long to her... cause maybe for once it felt good to be something else a "Aunt" for one..and a good friend..and speaking of a good friend...I see neither of us can be good at that anymore

I walk away cause there is nothing left I feel like what once was this great big fun park.. with people and kids and birds and trees.. is now a field with no tools or wood or seeds to start something again.
she told me that she was afraid cause she wasn't talking to me (cause I have been working not calling etc)so she spoke to someone who tred on her a million times cause thats all she had left.. I guess being a last resort is an ok thing... to a human being that has no feelings but I def seen a different person in that comment.. I loved her as a person.. like a sis like a best friend but I let go and last night I guess it hit me like a bag of bricks..

I do spend all my time with Dave... I do find a little time to talk on a phone with friends and sometimes even dave. I went ot the club with Julie last week and of Friday seen nick.
I just have no time for phone conversations of you screaming at your son or husband.. I get on the phone to talk to you and bring up anything ... even sometimes to tell you how my day went cause I would expect the same from you.. but no.

just know I really did truely care with all my heart until caring for you was like caring for a totally different person.you changed but the truth is you don’t need me anymore.. you will have people who come and go
I am also no stranger to changing and not being myself... I just know I still have it in me somewhere to admit enough is enough .....when needed.